:'(

Today, while I was warming up before doing my assignment, I found something that makes me want to blog. I found something that used to be my inspiration. something that's so dear to me. It's Hlovate again :D. I found her fb fan page that I think managed by her/him. I don;t know why, I fells like crying.
As you guys know, Hlovate is one of the reason why I wanted to further my studies oversea so damn much. Reading a few excerpts of her novels about studying in oversea had triggers a small inner soul in me. Australia-North America-France-Germany, they all sounds so ideal. When I was in secondary, I never thought that there are probability that someday I will not be like her. I always had confidence that I can as long as I work on it. But, I forget something, everything happens with Allah's permission. Though my SPM is flying color(fact: not so flying), my SAT is 2000++, my teofl is 120++, but if Allah does not permit me from going, I will stay. I always thought this all I have done before was my best decision, I never regret any. But, now, to be at my level(college-transition from school to uni), many question had always popped up in my mind. Am I choosing the right course? Am I at the right place? Everything that I want and planning to have sounds so ideal that  never thought that life will not be that smooth.
I missed those time when my imagination has no boundaries. I could dream and have confidence that I will achieve that dream one day. of course by working extra hard. Nothing is impossible. You say you want to be a doctor? also can. Lawyer? Also can.
Maybe this is what people say about, 'appreciate what you have while they are still there'. Like me, I think Allah had take away the luxury of dreaming and confidence in me. The world had scared me. It's so intimidating. Sounds so pathetic huh?
"I have a dream. My dream is to have a happy ending"
:'(